Intellectual Adventure & the Ultimate Goal

I have had a few, signficant events in my life where I have felt my consciousness rise to another level. The majority of human beings might call this “change” or “growing up” (and indeed, it is so). I, however, feel the switch in my brain - where I’ve reached “the point of no return” - when I know I will no longer be the girl I have been, but a new and improved individual who will cease to be even in this state at the next point in my life when things “change.” Why this distinction between growth and change? Is there one, really? Aren’t the two terms synonymous with each other? Certainly, but change seems to affect a person positively or negatively. Growth, I believe, is a development toward the positive, only. Think about it. If you’re talking about your sister, cousin, or brother who was once a sweetheart but then “changed” – are you implying that something positive happened? (Of course, the contrary can happen — “My aunt used to be selfish, but she’s changed.”) My point is, the connotation for change that has already happened is usually not positive. Growth, however, is almost entirely positive. “My little girl grew up.” ”I grew when I realized the world doesn’t revolve around me.” “I grew up over the duration of this year because…”  A “change” happens when every facet of your life is directing you towards it. Growth is accepting these changes and doing something positive with them.

I’m going to ahead and say this growth occurs when one’s level of consciousness shifts. I’m going to suggest imagining these levels as stairs, leading to ultimate consciousness — what occurs at this highest level, I can’t begin to describe (I really can’t – I’m sure I’m still way on the bottom levels). What occurs at these different levels, I believe, is a new awareness of something. I can already suggest that one level is the moment one realizes “I am able to think for myself” (this moment happened for me sometime around 12-13 years of age; sometime around becoming a teenager). I believe another level is transcended when a friend (or enemy) does (or does not) do something that makes you realize not all in the world are good people. One has now (or at least, I have) transcended two levels, as two “awarenesses” have been realized: 1. I have the ability to think for myself and 2. There is much adversity in the world we live in. I’m going to go ahead and assume that the majority of the world have lived through these stages and changed much as a result. The second step of consciousness that I’ve described, however, is the deciding level, I believe, that determines whether one will continue growing in order to, ultimately, reach a higher level. For example: if, upon learning that not all in the world are good one decides to just be bad because everyone’s doing it, then I don’t believe true growth is occuring. If one just “goes with the flow” because not doing anything against status quo is easier, then I don’t believe true growth is being experienced. I suggest that only those individuals who have truly embraced this change and have consequently grown positively are the only ones who will continue passing from one level of consciousness to another.

I would like to suggest that another level of consciousness is that of religion, spirituality, and philosophy. This is the level that I believe I have just arrived onto, and what has possessed me to write this now.

This quarter I am a participant in those classes discussing Philosophical Inquiry, Religious Worldviews and Ethical Perspectives, among 2 others. At the exact same time in the sixth week of the quarter, every single class I was taking talked about the exact same thing: religion, science, and philosophy (would you imagine that even my spanish class was on the “religion” unit at this time?). As a practicing Catholic, these topics coinciding made for a crazy, intellectual rollercoaster.

First, we read Freud’s “Future of Illusions,” which basically claims that God is this father-figure that human beings fabricated in order to feel protection from nature and a sense of command over nature and that religion is simply this concept we keep running back to in order to prevent ourselves from feeling lost. Ohhhh, boy. Hello, doubt. Freud makes a very persuasive case, and my faith felt a little off balance. The discomfort continued, however. At the same time in my [history of] religions class, we were reading scholarly essays and books that each either presented Darwinism, creationism, or Intellectual Design (a combo of the two that tries to get creationists their foot in the door where the merit of these two origins of life is concerned). Each side had persuasive arguments — one sometimes seemed to be more credible than the other, and sometimes, the other side just made so much more sense to me, as a living, breathing, human entity. Whatever the case, it made my mind spin in circles and I felt entirely lost in my faith, religion, and entire foundation of a person.

Little did I know that this uncertainty — this anxiety — was really my consciousness on its way to a higher level/a new state of awareness. This week (today, specifically) I feel I reached this new level, with its perks and its new challenges. First, I am now aware that I, as an individual, am in a constant state of flux. I may not have long until I reach a new level of awareness – when this happens, I think, is up to whatever that is guiding life and its events (I’m going to go ahead and leave that undelved- but I feel I’ll have a better grasp of what is leading this life of mine and of others eventually). Again, whether we skip levels, or whether every human being goes through the levels of consciousness the same way is another question I think I might have a theory for that another day.

I’m so much more aware of my being in relation to the being of others and my being in the world. What do I mean? I mean that I realize how much my words and actions affect those with whom I interact (what helped me become of this awareness was my experience these past two weekend with individuals who don’t seem to be aware of their words and actions. As a result, my sensitivity, to that which they are/were not aware of, has increased). For example, today on the train, a man stepped on my foot as he was sitting next to me. He apologized profusely, and I noticed he seemed genuinely surprised when I didn’t give him a dirty look but gave a big grin and told him not to worry about a thing. When I exited, he thanked me for “sparing him” and wished me a good day. Will he be kinder to the man who, in the future, accidentally steps on his foot?

When I was waiting for the next train, I saw a woman with a stunning red coat that just looked fantastic on her. I complimented her, and she thanked me with the humblest smile. I think she’s still thinking about it, too, and smiling. Which stranger might she compliment in her future, in order to share the joy I may have helped her feel?

Finally, as I was standing beneath the warming lights, a man approached and saw there was no room for him. I stepped aside and let him  stand next to me. Again, I share these stories not because I seek credit or praise but to demonstrate how widely spread shocked reactions at a stranger’s kindness seem to be. He thanked me and smiled, as if seeing me for the first time (even though he just glanced at me before, but with ‘dead’ eyes). Will he move aside for the next person he sees standing in the cold?

My point is – this is where these seemingly awful, simultaneous changes finally came together to reveal themselves as one beautifully-wrapped package of awareness:

My beliefs will not be constant. They will change. When they’re in transition, it will be a time of anxiety and uncertainty. In the same way simultaneous events come together to create this chaos, however, corresponding events will occur to bring focus into what needs to be done to calm the storm — but this tranquility will only be temporary. Change will come again, and whether I stay on the same level of consciousness or proceed higher, will be the determinent factor of whether I have, or have not, grown.

A Note to Friends & Arkansas Adventures, Part I

       Before I begin, let me say this: I miss my high school. Not the physical building, the dances, the sports.. but the girls – the teachers – the environment itself. I feel ashamed that I haven’t updated PrettyNerd for such a long time. I’ve definitely noticed a trend though.. when I’m busy with new friends, new classes, and new experiences, it’s almost easy to forget my roots – where I’ve come from — who has shaped me into who I am. This is my attempt to garner those memories back into conscious thought. The intense nostalgia building up the past few days from thinking about my amazing friendships is motivation for this new post. I love every single one of my girlfriends differently, and they all mean a ridiculous amount to me. They really helped make my high school experience what it was, and even though I’m meeting people who, in their own ways, are building my college experience with me, I still want my ‘old’ friends to be a part of my life.

New Friends and Old Friends
Joseph Parry
1841-1903

Make new friends, but keep the old;
Those are silver, these are gold.
New-made friendships, like new wine,
Age will mellow and refine;
Friendships that have stood the test–
Time and change–are surely best;
Brow may wrinkle, hair grow gray,
Friendship never knows decay.
For ‘mid old friends, tried and true,
Once more we our youth renew.
But old friends, alas!  may die,
New friends must their place supply.
Cherish friendship in your breast–
New is good, but old is best;
Make new friends, but keep the old;
Those are silver, these are gold.

Family Friday

Forget about the fact that the first day of autumn is a couple days away and pretend today, Monday, September 20th, is the Friday of Labor Day weekend - a day where dreams of the possibilities and expectations arise in hope that what this one last summer weekend can offer you really is the topping on the cupcake. I had such dreams (goodness, sounds like I’m 80 and telling the miserable-version story of my life) on that Friday, and they were quickly coming true. You see, I’m in a long distance relationship (and have been for two years). The jam to my jelly lives in Philadelphia because of school, but he was raised in Arkansas. I was trekking my way over to O’Hare Airport to meet him, because his layover from PA to AR was in ORD (Why there’s a ‘D’ in O’Hare’s airport code has always buffled me). We met and giggled like five year olds finding out that our moms will let us play outside while we waited for our flight.

The flight was so fun. First off, I’ve never experienced a shorter flight. My first flight was to Poland, and it was a good 9 hours (count more, though, because we had a 2-3 hour layover in London). My second flight was also to PL and my third was to Costa Rica. The total flight time was about 7 hours (because we had to fly to Atlanta, then transfer to fly the rest of the way). SO – this 1.5 hour flight to Little Rock was so nice. It’s kind of peaceful knowing that, if I ever needed to, I could leave in 10 minutes (4pm) and be there by (5:30). Cody and I couldn’t sleep (as you could imagine – 5 year olds can’t really sleep when on a natural high), so we played individual games of Sudoku and manuevered our bodies to manipulate the direction the plane was headed (Cody swears that when he hugged me to him and brought me towards the window, the plane tipped every time. PS if I wasn’t the skinny minny I am, I would be offended, I’m sure. As luck would have it – the only thing that I can tip is.. no… wind tips me. Damn). We landed shortly and I got to see his beautiful parents – they really are a purty couple.

It’s a 45 minute drive from the airport (WHICH, FRIENDS FROM CHICAGO, HAS ONLY 1 TERMINAL AND.. 12? GATES. I was definitely south of the Mason-Dixon line =D)  to “Wit’s End Manor” so we talked and I got to drink in all the green I don’t see every day (If anyone ever feels the need to drown in steel and bricks, I can definitely provide; my hometowns got it all). After some dinner and dessert, we (Cody and I + Cody’s sister and her boyfriend + Cody’s momma) sat down and played some oldschool UNO (when you don’t have the color or the number, keep drawin’, baby!!)

It really was a great night — Quality time with family, AMAZING food, and three more days left until I had to fly back to Chicago. This really was a great weekend. I’ll write about Saturday, Sunday, and Monday soon! Subscribe to get the updates when they come! To the right of this post is an envelope icon. Click it, type in your e-mail address and you’ll get my posts (but you can always unsubscribe if you so desire – no hard feelings, because I don’t know who’s subscribed in the first place).

Happy Reading!

Floods, Trucks, Ignorance; Oh my!

       I woke up one morning at 5:30 in the morning to get ready for work, went through my normal ‘wake up and smell the sunshine’ routine and looked outside to checkwhat weather I’ll be styling my clothing decision for. Hello, river! I’m sent to the basement to pick up water with rags galore, and learn that I’m actually not helping -anything.- Dad tells me to give up (Thank God; I was getting tired). I step outside the door when the angry rain stops pounding on everything and see a huge UPS truck coming down the.. river? Okay. Cool. The front of the ginormous vehicle is causing strong waves that are moving the parked (now drowned) cars and whooshing (sorry, couldn’t find a better word) the water closer to the homes. A neighbor of mine waits for the UPS truck to approach closer and then waves his fist at the delivery guy, “You’re the reason for the water in my basement, asshole!”

Okay. Wait.
We were Venice before the UPS guy went down the canal.
…I don’t think he’s really the person that should be blamed here, but whatever.

He’s acted as inspiration. I found this little.. parable? And decided to add my own comments, in honor of my neighbor who now detests the United Postal Service.

The man whispered, “God, speak to me.”
And a meadowlark sang. But the man didn’t hear.

So the man yelled, “God, speak to me!”
Thunder rolled across the sky (&& it started raining in PrettyNerd’s neighborhood. Her basement experienced some flooding and because there was a river where a street used to be, someone canoed down the street..  And this all happened because the man didn’t hear the flipping meadowlark). Again, the man didn’t listen to the sign.  (Great. God’s going to erupt a volcano and this guy still won’t hear. He’s gonna be the start of the end of the world at this point)

The man looked around and said, “God, let me see you.”
A star shone brightly. But he noticed it not.

And the man shouted, “God, show me a miracle!”
And a life was born. But the man was unaware (Okay, I kind of see this. If it was his baby, he might have had a change of heart. It’s not like I think of random babies every day. Moreover – look at a tremendous tree — you try making that, brother!)

So, the man cried out in despair (what a cry baby), “Touch me, God, and let me know that you are here!” (Whoa. Maybe the water from the UPS truck was God touching the man’s basement?! Bastard didn’t pay attention, and I had to pay for it, too. Boo.)

Whereupon God reached down and touched the man.
But the man brushed the butterfly away and walked on.

Moral: Don’t miss out on a blessing because it isn’t packaged the way you expect.

Source Unknown

Turns out, the force of the UPS truck moved the garbage (leaves, dirt, etc) from the sewer and the water started going down slowly.
Makes you think, dunnit?
I wonder if that man is my neighbor.

Hmf. That would make God the UPS guy.

Go figure.

Weakness..

Weakness…. is beautiful. I think it serves as a reminder that I’m doing an okay job at this whole life thing.. Maybe I’m not so self-absorbed in the awesomeness that lives in me to find a (sometimes uncomfortable) appreciation for the greatness in others as well. I’m learning that I can’t be so focused on me that I miss the amazing things that others have to say.

         I’m beginning to realize that being strong doesn’t mean that I never get weak. Weakness is merely an inevitable symptom of my strength. For example, thinking about my four (now finished) long years of high school and my relentless efforts when it came to succeeding in all I did – feeling tired at the end of the week was just an effect of how hard I worked (which I was very much rewarded for later in the form of scholarships and grants to my first-choice university). We call this tire “weakness,” but I think it’s really just a sign to recharge and begin again after some R&R. It’s simply the light on the dashboard turning on, signaling the driver (i.e. me) to relax for a little bit.. to figure out what’s going on, what I need to change, what I should probably improve in, what I’m doing really well in.. a total evaluation of my life. If everything were to go well all the time, how would we know something needed fixing? It’s like fighting through a pain in your arm — had you gotten it checked out earlier, it wouldn’t be broken now. Reflection is necessary, and this necessity becomes apparent when the feelings of weakness surface. I believe, however, that these feeling are gifts [just ones that I don't feel I need at the time (but grow to appreciate later)].

Weakness..

..is an awareness of my character, and the knowledge of how beautiful a fragile heart really is.  A person might be called “weak,” if they can’t stand up to another because they don’t want to say something that they wouldn’t like to hear. A person might be labeled “weak,” if they don’t want to intimidate someone to receive something in return (think of a bribe gone wrong – Mr. “Weak” just couldn’t do what his boss wanted — blackmail -or some other creative form of corruption- the business guy). This leads into my belief that there is nothing wrong with caring too much. I wish people would realize that. Caring “too much” isn’t a bad thing. It makes you step down from your pedestal and gives you a chance to look around and set yourself on an equal level with others, even if everyone’s on a differently decorated mountain top. It lets you take time to look into another’s eyes and recognize how beautiful they are, both physically and on the inside.

Everyone is beautiful.
Everyone is weak.
Now if everyone would just recognize that,

we’d be strong enough to hold each other up when life tries to tear us down.

Weakness..

is strength.

Ten Rules for Being Human

by Cherie Carter-Scott (with commentary from PrettyNerd)

1.  You will receive a body. You may like it or hate it, but it’s yours to keep for the entire period.

2.  You will learn lessons. You are enrolled in a full-time informal school called, “life.”

            And I hear the tuition is outrageous.

3.  There are no mistakes, only lessons. Growth is a process of trial, error, and experimentation. The “failed” experiments are as much a part of the process as the experiments that ultimately “work.”

            Yeah, no. Sometimes there are screwups. Big, big “uh ohs” – and some people never learn from them. They don’t want to learn from them. Silly people.

4.  Lessons are repeated until they are learned. A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it. When you have learned it, you can go on to the next lesson.

              Agreed.

5.  Learning lessons does not end. There’s no part of life that doesn’t contain its lessons. If you’re alive, that means there are still lessons to be learned.

               She must have finished listened to Carrie Underwood’s “Lessons Learned.” Here’s my problem. The title says “Ten RULES for being human.” Cherry hasn’t told us how to learn these lessons. Ugh. I hate unclear directions.

6.  “There” is no better a place than “here.” When your “there” has become a “here”, you will simply obtain another “there” that will again look better than “here.”

             Lies. The problem here is our lack of satisfaction (for anything; not just “heres” or “theres”). If you learn to be satisfied with where the hell you are (see number 4), you can just go ahead and push this conundrum from your mind. Learn the lesson of satisfaction and this rule goes out the window.  

7.  Other people are merely mirrors of you. You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects to you something you love or hate about yourself.

          This was so difficult for me to accept when it would happen to me.. It took me a long time to realize that I wasn’t especially fond of whoever because of the qualities s/he had that I just.. didn’t possess. Overcoming jealousy, I think, is a lifelong battle. I also have a theory that those who don’t struggle with it aren’t passionate enough about what (or who  they love.

8.  What you make of your life is up to you. You have all the tools and resources you need. What you do with them is up to you. The choice is yours.

          Yay for Cherie for making such an awesome list. Here’s my problem: tell “you have all the tools and resources you need” to a kid whose parent has only enough money (their tools and resources) to buy a meal at McDonald’s.  I disagree with Miss Cherry Scott on one piece of this wisdom. You work for and earn the tools and resources with which you eventually end. Once there, then yes, do whatever you want to do with those resources.

9.  Your answers lie within you. The answers to life’s questions lie within you. All you need to do is look, listen, and trust.

         Some people are brilliant at ignoring what they truly want. I think I’ve been a victim of this. Let me explain… Coming from a traditional, conservative family, I’ve been raised in an incredibly sheltered life. I didn’t really know up until a couple years ago that how I was living wasn’t what I wanted (or needed). Rather than sit inside with pearls and a spotless dress, I learned I want to embrace the spontaneous adventurer in me. I have just begun, and I am so glad I listened to that relentless whisper in me. I’m a pretty nerd who likes to be on the water, play hockey, trek through a  rain forest, thinking about applying to live in the Museum of Science and Industry for a month  and save money for a wedding that won’t happen for at least another half-decade. I embrace spontaneity, and I could have never truly known that had I just listened… and let go.

10. You will forget all this.

                  Yes, probably. But somebody else might not. To somebody else, at least one idea has stuck with them for the rest of their lives. Woohoo!