Sunday of the Arkansas Adventures of Labor Day Weekend 2010

I’m not delusional – I know it’s August of the year 2012 and this story is about a day during a trip to Arkansas in September of 2010. Unfortunately, this post was sitting all by its lonesome in my “draft” inbox, even though it’s one of my favorite days to think about. It’s so memorable to me, which is probably why I didn’t see the need for writing it down for posterity. I love that I can look back on it now, however, and smile. It’s written down! If you are interested in reading my weekend from the beginning, here is my Friday and Saturday. Take a look and “live” through it with me =)

On a Sunday two years ago, Cody and I went floating (that means rowing in a canoe down a river, for all my yankee friends 😉 ) down the Buffalo River a few hours north of where his parents live. At some points the water was so shallow we had to get up (er, Cody had to get up) and push us until the water was a little more manageable. I don’t think I’ve ever been more grateful for currents in my life. It was so nice when I got to stop rowing =D. I saw my first cliff that people were able to jump off of and be just fine (also something I had only seen in the movies) but I was too much of a weeny to try (and besides, I didn’t have special water shoes that would protect my toes from rocks – Cody let me have his, but they were a good 5 sizes bigger than my shoe size). It’s definitely on my bucket list, though! We saw snakes mating (they dance around each other.. like they’re on their feet, but, you know.. they don’t have any). They would entwine around each other… definitely one of the cooler things I’ve ever seen. We also saw the cutest furry animal (Still don’t know what it’s called). I want to say it was an otter, but I think otters have flat tails, and this guy was all fur, all over. Simply adorable. The float was 4-6 miles (not sure which), and it took about 6 hours to complete. Definitely one of the more adventurous times of my life. It always seems to happen in Arkansas.

After we floated the Buffalo, Cody and I went to find the cabin that we had reserved for the night. To check-in, we visited the managers (a cute old couple) who lived in a large cabin themselves. They hopped in their truck and told us to follow them. It was about 9pm at this point and it was dark. I’ve been a city girl all my life, so to see zero lights on the country road was a little scary, especially considering that we just kept driving, and driving, and driving down this road that didn’t seem to have an end. I remember telling Cody “If this were our first date, I’d have opened this door, got out, and wouldn’t have stopped running for miles.” I mean, looking out the window was like having a thick blanket wrapped over your eyes – it was pitch black and it was becoming a 15 min drive! I was getting nervous, but before it got too ridiculous, we pulled into a drive-way and saw our room for the night: a beautiful cabin wrapped by trees, and absolutely silent.

Our phones didn’t work, it was really dark, and we were letting complete strangers lead us into the woods. Sounds like the beginning of a horror film. Cody wasn’t having it – after the woman left (she had turned the lights on inside first, bless her heart), he took it upon himself to check nooks and crannies and check the premises. It was an interesting feeling – the more I sensed his nervousness, the more I felt I was okay – I felt stronger and more reassured than I ever would have in that situation. We decided to turn on some music and start cooking dinner. It was a pleasant distraction, until we realized the steak on the oven (we forgot to buy coal) was beginning to smoke a little too much. I recommended turning the fan on and thought it’d be enough. When I started coughing, however, we realized we made it worse by turning the fan on… we hadn’t even opened any windows! We were circulating the smoke around the entire cabin. We had the camp-fire smell all over the place! Long story short, dinner was delicious, the cabin was absolutely beautiful and comfy – everything we had imagined it to be, and more.

I can’t believe this happened two years ago. I’m glad I finally got to finish this post – it’s taken me long enough, and it’s a great reminder of how much fun I always have in Arkansas. I can’t wait to visit again next week and see what adventures await me next!

Apartment Scam

I was almost the victim of an apartment scam today. I always say that it’s important to keep in perspective the innate goodness that can be found in your fellow human being. Like, for every “bad guy,” there are hundreds of kindhearted Samaritans ready to outshine any darkness. Unfortunately, it’s also imperative never to forget that those bad guys do exist and will take advantage of you if you don’t know some things that would alert you to defend yourself. I’m so grateful that my boyfriend, Cody, has done the apartment search plenty of times before, so when my friend and I found an apartment that sounded almost too good to be true, he verified that yes, it is too good to be true. To those who are apartment searching on their own, read up! This might help prevent you from being a victim of an apartment scam.

The three-bedroom home we looked to rent was being offered for $1,000 in a really great neighborhood in Chicago. We got so excited and e-mailed the contact immediately. Upon introduction, Will Fork (I changed his name) seemed like a stand-up guy: a civil engineer who moved to a different country and couldn’t handle our lease personally. He told us that he has left the home fully furnished and needed to know that we could be trusted with his possessions. So far so good, I thought. Next, however, he needed to know a lot of personal information, including an attached picture of each of the potential tenants. This is when Cody started feeling that something was off. Why does he need a picture of us? Why does he need to know our addresses and what our occupation is? I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt, but Cody pointed out his flawed grammar and sloppy correspondence, calling it the “trademark of a scammer.”

When we asked to see pictures of the apartment, he attached files that, when opened, were barely bigger than a thumbnail. The pictures also looked very modeled – a move that would have made sense, had he not failed to have someone ready who would have been able to give us a walk-through of the apartment. What would he have done? Mailed us the keys?

Cody looked up his account on LinkedIn, and it didn’t quite match up with the description he gave of himself. He was also in another country. So far, according to hotpads.com, this situation matched two of the warning signs provided by the site:

• “Unable to show the home- if the property manager will not allow you to see the home, it could be a scam. Never sign anything or send money without first seeing the property.
• In a foreign land- if they are unable to meet with you, show you the home, and/or must be reached electronicallybecause they are in a foreign land (often England or Africa) doing something (often “missionary work”), it is very likely that it is a scam.” —I actually got a response to another listing from someone who was doing missionary work in Africa and couldn’t meet with me!

The last thing that really convinced us that this was a scam was the amazing price offered for the quality of the home. On other sites, the average rent per month was $5,300!! He was offering it to us for only $1,000. Indeed, hotspots.com warns of this as well:

• “Unreasonably Low Rent for the Area- if rents are hundreds or thousands of dollars below the average for the area, it is very likely that it is a scam.”

After looking over his e-mail one more time, I realize that I have a perfectly set-up e-mail that wreaks of spam:

“NOTE : I’m 50 years old and as I told you, I’m a project manager and my job even if is paid very well, requires that I move a lot and without notice. You can move in the House in the same day that you will receive the keys. The only problem is that I’m already in Manila, Philippines because we started the work, but you don’t need to worry because I’ve made all arrangements to rent the House from here. i would like to know a little something about you. Don’t be offended but i must know to who i will rent my House. Kindly get back to me with the Below information..

*****RENTAL APPLICATION FORM****
( Private and Confidential )

Fill below information correctly…

1)Your Full Name ?
2)Present Address(where you reside now) & Phone ?
3)How old are you ?
4)Are you married ?
5)Occupation ?
6)Current rent payment ?
7)Reason for moving out ?
8)How many people will be living in the House ?
9)The rent fee available now ?
10)How long are you willing to stay ?
11)When do you intend to move in ?
12)Do you have a pet ?
13)Do you smoke ?
14)How many Month or Year Do you want to Stay?
15)Deposit : One or Two month Deposit are required?
16)Occupant Picture?
17)Reference Details?”

If you scroll down to the bottom of this HotPads site, you’ll notice that the questions I was asked are exactly the questions under “Real Example 4.” Crazy stuff, to think I was about to be taken advantage of for being a brand new apartment hunter! I definitely learned that, “if it seems too good to be true.. it (unfortunately) is!!”

P.S. Gotta remember that, for every bad guy out there, there’s a whole website of people who want to make sure something bad doesn’t happen to you! So grateful for that website!

**EDIT**

In case the deal was real, I asked the guy if he wanted to talk on Skype so we could get to know each other better. No can do, apparently. I got a response this morning saying “Thank you for your reply. Please respond to the following questions….” and asked the same questions as before!!

See ya, creeper.

Why I’ve Always Been Afraid to Blog

I want my words to change the world. I want my ideas to spread like wildfire and touch peoples’ hearts like all the inspirational minds have before.

As an English major, however, I realize that someone can, and will, always change my words to end up meaning the opposite of what I originally intended UNLESS I write my ideas clear enough, with enough logic and pathos (how I make you, as an audience, feel). When I get Bs or Cs on my essays, then, I ask myself how I can write for the world when I can’t make one person happy? Naturally, I get discouraged and allow all my ideas to evolve, but then suppress them because I’m afraid of what others might think. It’s the fine line of being the pretty girl who charms those around her, and the nerd who just wants to talk about how she feels and what she believes about people and relationships and love. It’s a challenge reconciling the two, but I realize it’s what makes me different.

This is why only a few people know my actual identity – It scares me to think that someone might disagree with me so strongly that they realize they don’t want someone like me in his/her life. I’ve always been an extrovert, but as I’ve grown, I’ve realized that, most of the time, people are intimated by someone who knows so strongly who she is and what she stands for. I like to be liked, so I try my best not to look like I’ll be a bitch when people first see me – I’m tall, thin, and blonde. I have the media singling out my body type, and people don’t really care for the media. I don’t really care for the media.

Someone told me the other day that I thrive in situations where I’m the center of attention. I denied it vehemently at first, but it’s true. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I’m the youngest of four kids, and I’m the only girl. I grew up hearing “Hi, princess” and now my boyfriend treats me like one. I play and sing at my parish church on the weekends, so all eyes are on me for guidance. I’m also a children’s choir director at the parochial school I teach music at. I adore it when I feel that people accept me and support me, in whatever it is I”m doing. I love feeling that I’m touching a lot of lives at once because I know, at the moment, I mattered. In those moments, I feel worth it – like I’m a good human being who is able to offer a lot to the world. I feel purpose.

When someone disagrees with me, then, I put up my defenses and pray I’m resilient enough to get over it. In many cases, I am. But it’s the fear of being told “You’re wrong” to something I believe wholeheartedly to be good and right that’s prevented me from blogging on a regular basis.

I’ve come to terms that, if YOU want to be in my life – and hear what I have to say – you are most welcome. Seriously. If you so choose, you can click the orange envelope on the right side of the screen and subscribe to receive my words as they come through my fingertips. If you don’t care for what I have to say, it’s easy to unsubscribe and move on with our lives. Please don’t get me wrong: if you disagree with something -anything- you are always allowed to comment. It’ll be a good resiliency practice and as much as I hate to admit it, I love opposing viewpoints that make me stop and think. It helps me grow.

I want to be a best-selling author one day, you know? I want my words to melt into people’s hearts and stay there, solidifying the good that’s in them and make them a little better than they were the day before. I want to do that.

And I’ve realized I can’t do that if I’m being silent.
So here I am.

Tags: Blogging Advice, Fear to blog

Fairy Tales and Adversity

Falling in love feels like perfection: everything falls into place, smiles are on every corner, and you listen to the sad song on the radio for the beauty of it, not because every word holds the pieces of your heart together.  When you fall in love, you countdown the days for the smile you get as a result of the smile you see. He (or she) reminds you that it’s possible to feel the giddiness and hopefulness and happiness that comes from just thinking about him, let alone having a conversation – even if that conversation doesn’t happen for days at a time.

Some people are lucky and feel that way for years. I think it’s because they never take for granted that it’s a gift and privilege that they are able to call the person they fell in love with as “mine.” Regardless of how much they might disagree with each other sometimes, or what temptations might come along the way, they never forget that what they want NOW, will never be able to fully replace what they ALREADY have. It’s this relentless determination to never back down, or fall down, in the face of adversity, that keeps people together, especially since adversity is what normally breaks up couples who should have remained together. Let me explain:

1. Instead of womenwho she should have been able to count on the most, Cinderella had the meanest bitches around. Not only did her step-crew want to prevent her from love, but once she fell in love, they tried to keep her from her guy. Good for us (and ‘relly herself, I suppose), the prince persevered and made sure to find the woman who made his heart pound like no other had before. Both could have given up and said, “Aw, screw it” but the chemistry they felt the night of the Ball was too strong to be ignored.

Fast forward:

Cinderella is a flippin’ princess and so she’s entitled to pretty much whatever her little heart desires. But if the prince was so stubborn about his woman, what makes you think he’s not so stubborn about other things, like her leaving the portcullis open after she came back from the market and forgot to have it closed, and the prince won’t drop the conversation when it could have been resolved yesterday? Stubbornness and ego get in the way of an important conversation that, in many case, you need to have to mature the relationship. We could talk about compromise all day, but if the prince won’t drop it, and Cinderella won’t lock it (portcullis), the happy marriage is gonna go down the tubes.

2. Love took Belle, of Beauty and the Beast,  completely by surprise. She was able to look beyond the exterior of the beast and see instead someone with a gentle heart – a “misiu” heart.

Fast forward:

You could tell me the Beast realized the error of his ways and is a better “man/beast,” but I will tell you that those temper tantrums are going to come out even if Belle didn’t do anything wrong, because it’s the Beast’s way of handling his anger. He takes it out on something else – someone else – that’s fragile. How does Belle even begin to react? Well, she can shut herself up in her tower and cry all day, or she can say, “Suck it up, Beast. Here’s what happened, and you can’t change it. Think about it this way…” and offer him a new perspective. If she does it long enough, he’ll eventually learn how to do it on his own later, which will hopefully help curb future temper tantrums.

3. Let’s talk about real, human love. We overcome the initial adversity – it might be a big deal, like letting fear get in the way of telling the person you care about the truth (she probably feels the same way you do), or it might be the normal dating experience, whatever that means to you. Point is, it means “getting over” something, turning a problem into a solution, and realizing that a fairy tale can be compared to reality, if you delve into the reality of the fairy tale, and know that neither will ever be perfect and free-flowing all the time.

Fast forward: Unlike the fairy tales we see on the big screen, adversity is relentless. It seems to never get tired of trying to pull the same two people apart, that it had brought together. Unfortunately, a lot of people see that as a sign that it won’t work out, or that it wasn’t meant to be. I call bologna and say that adversity is to be seen as a learning, growing opportunity instead of a hurdle in the track that can’t be leaped over. Of course there’s a limit to how much difficulty should be in a relationship – if it’s sucking the happiness out of you, it’s not healthy. But if you’re going through a week when things aren’t as giddy as before, that’s NOT an indication that the love has died. Simply spend more time with the one you fell in love with, pay more attention to their needs and focus on the little stuff, like leaving notes in their e-mail inbox or texting them what you were never able to get out of your mind in the first place, when you met your sig fig.

No, adversity isn’t the sign of doom. Think about it: when it comes up, it seems like it’s pulling you apart, but really? Really, adversity is the thing that brought you together in the first place.

Becoming Resilient – Countdowns, Part 2

I always agreed with my uncle’s notion that “Life is a series of countdowns.” When the event I was waiting for didn’t work out, however, I was crushed. I had counted down MAJORLY (I’m talking about 8 months of crossing off days on my calendar). And this didn’t just happen once – no, I didn’t learn my lesson. This happened twice. I finally realized that just because I counted down didn’t mean it was automatically going to be perfection and bliss. I told myself I would never count down again and I have kept that promise. Instead, if I’m planning on meeting someone for dinner, or looking forward to a fun party, I always take into account the option of it not working out. It prevents me from getting too excited so I’m not heartbroken 8 months later.

Even though I started believing this, however, I didn’t apply it to the long-term plans I always let myself plan. I’ve always pictured my life the way girls usually do: I want to get married, have kids.. live a long, full life. When I was 17, I had the incorruptible determination to have all these things happen, and them not happening was just never an option. Now, at 20 (and a half!), I have experienced my dear friends lose their spouses. I can’t imagine the pain of losing someone you’ve been married to for 30-50 years. I’ve also heard horrific stories of parents losing their children, who never got to celebrate their 20th birthday, much less their 5th. I understand now the possibility of losing everything in the blink of an eye. I understand that maybe the wheel of fortune might land on me and throw me something unimaginable that would prevent my plans from working out the way I’ve always imagined.

So I dream big, but with hesitations. Just like I give my short-terms plans a little slack, in case they change and surprise me, I leave the option open for the “big stuff” to have different ways of ending: the wedding of my dreams, the lifestyle I’ve always pictures, etc. I don’t know what my wedding dress will look like, because I wait to see a ring on my finger first. I try not to imagine how many kids I’ll have, or whether I’d like a girl or a boy more, because I don’t even know if I have a “baby-makin'” body. It hurts to think about the possibility, but I think it’s healthy to discipline my hopes this way. It’s interesting putting myself in a foster parent’s shoes while still dreaming about holding a little one of my own one day.

Ultimately, it’s okay if the world ends tomorrow, because I know I’ve lived the way I’ve wanted to today. I try to live positively, never allowing myself to wallow in self-pity for too long. I let go of anger quickly, knowing that the fire of hate burns quickly, and I love the freedom I feel when I extinguish it and replace it with positive thoughts and calm energy.

Even if the wheel of fortune lands on me and hands me the great misfortune of my life, I can’t suffer forever.
Besides, it’ll hurt, but the mental preparations I had given myself earlier will have made me more resilient. And in this case, resilience is peace and happiness, despite adversity.